Where Have You Been All My Life?

Ok, so... call me cool, or whatever, because Momma is bloggin'!  I decided to get all tech-y with my thoughts and share the inner workings of this thing I call a brain.  

First up... some random facts.  Interested?  K, cool.

1. I am single-handedly funding the college education of the Redbull company's top exec's children.

2. I can't eat fish.  Not because of the taste, but because my brain tells me it's gross.

3. I had an intervention with myself about my Oreo eating habit.  So far, I've relapsed 3 times.  Fingers crossed.

4. I'm fairly obsessed with Lester Holt & Brian Williams.  We're BFFs in fake life.

5. Seeing actresses in mascara commercials wear fake eyelashes makes me want to punch the screen.

6. I talk to other drivers when I drive.  "Whatcha doin' there, fella?" "Oh, having a little coffee this morning, are ya?" "Get off my road!"

7. Working at Valleyfair was the best job I've ever had... although, I gained a few teenage lbs. with all those pronto pups and mini donuts.  

8. I've wiped way too many behinds in the past few years.  And then I had kids.  He-yo!  Just kidding.  I've wiped my kid's butts.  I'm don't go chasing people with a bag of Charmin.

9. When I'm singing, my three-year-old yells at me to stop.  Peace out, dreams.

10. I despise sanctimonious mommies, or "sancti-mommies," more than stepping on a lego or on a plastic dinosaur's tiny hand. (Editor's note: Have you ever stepped on that crap? Holy ouch.)

11. Packing a diaper bag is an art-form.  

12. Awards should be given for feeding, bathing and keeping children alive on a daily basis.

13. My dog, Hank, makes me go from frustrated mess to loving creepy dog-owner in a span of minutes.

14. I will only have 14 items, because that's my favorite number and the number 15 gets too much cred.