Five Annoying People You See at the Gym

Posted by Julia Sogaard on 7:04 AM

So, whether you live at the gym or are the occasional "I found two minutes of my life to be here" gym member, you all know these people.  Let's talk about them, shall we?

The following annoyances make me want to throw out an over-exaggerated, "please notice my distain" eye-roll...

1. If I am on the elliptical (and let's be honest, I'm on the elliptical, because at 28 and after two kids, the treadmill looks scary and involves too much movement for a woman only wearing one bra), and you decide to pony up next to me, you better not even think of starting the game where you keep looking over at my numbers to see if you're out-pacing me.  Go away, you.  I am here to burn off the Redbull and cinnamon toast I ate for breakfast, not compete with you in some Fitness19 race.  (Editor's note: If you really want to race, I'd totally be down for that and would meet you outside in five.)

2. Do NOT change the channel of the TV right in front of my machine to The Food Network.  What kind of sabotage is this??  While I'm trying to get my sweat on, do you really think I want to watch Paula Dean simmer some butter she's about to pour all over some fluffy, delicious, fresh-from-the-oven brea... ah, crap... I'm hungry again.

3. Do not decide you're going to "circuit train" by claiming possession of like five machines at the same time, hopping from one to the other after like a 30 second set, and then give me a dirty look when I try to use one.  Go away.  You suck.  We all pay like $15 a month to use the same sweaty machines and you're not training for Rio 2016.  **Unless you are... then, please accept my apologies and good luck!**

4. Hey Meat-head.  Yeah, you... with the head to shoulders, minus the neck situation going on.  Stop grunting like the next step may be an enema.  We get it... you lift heavy things and that's hard.  We all hear you, big guy.  I'm not into listening to you breathe like you're in labor (FYI: it's 14,714 times harder than lifting weights, but I digress).  I may be 28, but it's definitely an immature 28, and will surely try to catch the look of another gym-goer and we'll come to an agreement via telepathic eye roll that your sound effects, while definitely amusing, are just plain unnecessary.

and last, but maybe most important...

5. Oh, hey, random naked elderly woman walking around the locker room.  Gravity sucks, eh?  Glad your spending time at the gym and have killer self-confidence (maybe throw some my way), but if you could just roll those back up and hop into a pair of pants, that would be greeeeeeeeeat.


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