The People of the Minnesota State Fair!

Posted by Julia Sogaard on 8:40 PM

Mmk, so I took my littles and joined my in-laws at the Great Minnesota Get-together yesterday and I must say... people watching just gets better every year.  Don't even lie and say it's not a hobby of yours... I know I'm not alone in this.

So, just for funsies, I thought I'd list a few of the people you'll see at the Minnesota State Fair:

1. The Woman Who's Too Dressed Up.  Heels... really?  How's that going for you?  And a mini-skirt?  C'mon... settle yourself, guuuurl.  Who are you trying to impress?  The carnies?  The man stuffing his face with cheese curds (my husband)?  I know you don't have bionic feet, so my only assumption can be that you hate your feet and would like to see them die a slow, painful death.

2. Creepy Carnie.  Yeeeeeeah, if you could not touch my child and just take the tickets, that would be greeeeeat.  First off, do they literally stay in trailers all year?  Are their children with them?  Do the kids go to school?  Do they bathe regularly?  I have so many questions, because this lifestyle is so bizarre to me.  I want to sit them down for a nice little lecture about skin care and dental hygiene.  But, let's be honest, if I had set-up and take-down heavy rides all year, then spend 12 full days at a time taking tiny paper tickets from sweaty kids and their crabby, exhausted parents, I would probably fake my own death and head to Mexico.  Yeah, Mexico's a safe alternative.

Mmmm, sweet nicotine... "Come aboard, kids!"
3. The Suburban "Ghetto Thug".  This is by far my favorite sighting.  Nothing screams thug more-so than a dude whose style idol is Justin Bieber.  Cool gold chain, dude!  Where did you get it?  H&M? Charming Charlie?  Yeah, pull up your oversized Old Navy pants and let's just pretend we didn't see your undies. "Naw what I'm sayin'?"

"I gotta be home by 10, yo'."
4. The Unnecessary State Fair-Issued Power Wheelchair Guy.  Ok, I totally understand why the State Fair rents out these sweet rides, but there are definitely people that make you doubt the legitimacy of their need.  These wheelchair newbies also have no sense of space and just freakin' plow down the street like you gave them the signal that you wanted your foot run over.  Cool.  Oh, and you better believe that thing is just caaaaaaalling out to the high-heel girl.  Homegirl's dogs are barking.

Oh, who am I kidding.  This looks awesome.
5. The Woman Wearing No Bra.  Ok, no. Unless you're Heidi Klum, this will never be a good look for you.  I would actually prefer you go and put on like three sports bras and another two or four shirts.

6. The Emo Kid Pretending They Don't Want Attention.  "No way, dude, you're spiky black, pink and neon green hair and Covergirl eyeliner don't make you stand out at all."  For realsies.  Also, aren't you completely soaking in sweat under your over-sized JNCO jeans?  I'm glad your "expressing" yourself, but your 40 year-old self called and he says you look like a douche-nozzle.

7. The Person Rockin' the Airbrush T-Shirt.  Nothing says you love your kids more than wearing a creepy airbrushed picture of them.  Better yet, why don't you have them write your boo's name on the shirt in some fancy cursive?  Yeah, that's a good look.  Don't change.

8. The Person Proudly Carrying Multiple Large Stuffed-Animal Prizes.  Really?  Do you really want that in your house?  One is maybe fun to win, but how the hell do you bring them home?  What possesses you to spend that much money playing a game that's obviously rigged to be harder than it should be for a stuff animal you could probably buy for a ten spot?  I can't imagine a spot in my house where an nine foot Tweety Bird would look good.  But, then again... I haven't seen your house, so who am I to judge?

Yes! Took me 49 tries, but I finally won that big, pink dog!
9. The Baby Only Wearing a Diaper.  Parading your baby around in the hot summer sun without clothes on is totally a great idea.  Wait, no... it's not.  Is this a matter of laziness or do these parents honestly think this is normal?  A pack of cheap onesies at Target runs like $5.  I have to assume you've dressed your baby before, so what's different about today?  Poor exposed, sunburned little nugget.

10. The Baby Being Changed Right Next To You.  I'm a mom, I get it.  There isn't always a great place to change your baby's diaper in public and you gotta do what you gotta do.  But, c'mon... people are everywhere and they're EATING!  If you can't get to a restroom with a changing table, try, at least, to be discreet about it and find a nice little corner.  I'm sure your child would appreciate not being exposed to everyone on this list.  Maybe you can find the man carrying the oversized Tweey Bird and use it to shield Junior's yoo-hoo.

11. The Person with the Killer Mullet.  Yes! Brilliant! Nothing says State Fair more-so than business in the front, party in the back.  Bonus points if the top is spiky or the back is longer than their shoulders.  I absolutely love this sighting.

So. Much. Awesome.
12. THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON EVER!  This person walks around huffing like everyone is in their way and that they are forever and always being inconvenienced by absolutely anything.  This person also parked their big black SUV literally inches from my car, making it seriously impossible to open the door, much less get my kid in his seat.  To you, I say... "you suck and I hope you step in horse poo."

and finally...

13. The Girl Rockin' her Muffin-Top. "Yes! They fit! Honey, my jean shorts fit!"  Umm, no they don't and crack is whack.

Oh no she didn't!

The End.  Now, go eat your weight in cheese curds!


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