My Children Will Do It Differently

So, I was thinking the other day about all the technological advances since I was little.  I can't wait to talk to my grandkids and blow their minds when I tell them I'm older than the internet; although, I feel like the internet has been around forever.  How old does that make me?

Anyway, it got me thinking about all the things my kids get to (or will get to) experience everyday that the average 80's (or even 90's) kid could never even imagine.

1. Cell Phones.  Man, I didn't get a cell phone until I was 17.  It was the cool, new thing.  It felt everyone around us was getting them left and right and my brother and I wanted to be in on it.  Wanda came through and we got our PORTABLE phones!  Success!  I didn't have to call my friends houses and fear catching their parents, or worse... have to leave a message on the family answering machine.  I could call them directly and talk about important things like which *NSync member was the hottest and whether or not we should go to Valleyfair or the mall.  Man, those were the days.

"Let's go to the mall, guuuurl!"

And by the way, my cell phone screen was GREEN.  Remember those old computers with green type.  Yeah...

Don't be jealous, k?

Now a camera, computer, camera, calculator, notebook, calendar, and phone.

Now, I've babysat kids who had cell phones.  The youngest I've seen a kid with a cell phone is 8-years-old.  Whhhhhaaaaaat?!  Although he "technically" had it so his mother could get ahold of him and for emergencies, you can't tell me he's not downloading stupid farting apps and perusing the inter-webs.  My boys will never know a time where people didn't have high-tech iPhones and iPads with giant touch-screens that can do absolutely everything and that's crazy to me.  Think of how easy it is now for kids to talk to each other, use the internet, take pictures (of whatever 8-year-olds take pictures of) and waste time playing games.  These kids don't know what it's like only using the phone for calling people and playing snake...

(Side note: At like 15 or 16, my good friend, Jennie, was given a pink pager before we all collectively got cell phones and I was super jealous.  Looking back, it seems so silly to give a teenager a pager.  The only person that's really going to page them is their mom and even then, they had to go find a pay phone to call them back.  Regardless... I wanted a pink pager, too, damnit!  Jennie, you better still have that thing.)

2. Watching TV & Movies.  My three-year-old will never know the rush of getting home in time to watch a TV show or having to actually drive to the video store to rent a movie and then paying the inevitable late fee for not returning them on time (because ain't nobody have time for that).  He is just starting the grasp the concept of watching TV in real-time.  I guess I'm totally the one guilty of perpetuating his belief that Dora and Diego come alive on TV when mommy says they should.  I've recorded countless episodes of his favorite shows, making it so he can literally choose which shows he wants to watch at any given time.  And now one step further, we have Netflix streaming on our iPad and iPhones.  He can watch his shows literally everywhere.  And here we thought we were all cutting edge when I was in middle school when Wanda put a 13-inch square-box TV in the backseat of the car on a road-trip so we could watch a VHS tape.  Now, my boys can literally browse through thousands of show options and watch them without individually paying for each.  R.I.P. Blockbuster.  (Side note: remember the "back room" of the video store, where creepy men had to go out in public to check out their dirty stuff?  Eew.  Get yourself in check, man.)

You tell 'em, Dawson.

3. The Internet.  "Skreeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrreeeeeeeeerrrrrchhhhhhhhhheeeeeeerrr.  Welcome to AOL."  Ahh, the good ol' days.  Remember logging into AOL to instant message your friends for seven hours straight?  Nothing says you're cool like a screen-name like KrazyforKittens1487 (side note: totally wasn't my screen-name, but it should have been... kittens are krazy).  This was sweet technology back then, but damn, it has gotten crazy since 1995.  With the wealth of info on the internet and the ease of "googling," kids honestly don't have to know anything anymore.  Just google it.  There is literally an answer for pretty much anything on the internet, so screw talking to actual humans... I'ma learn to make me a bird feeder on WikiHow!  No time or don't want to go to the store and buy stuff... buy it online!  It's all so eaaaaaasy!

Life before the Internet

What We're Like Now...

4. Social Media.  Ahhh, social media.  Remember when you had to just call that person you knew from high school and asked them to describe their dinner to you?  Oh, wait.  When Facebook started, it was just for us cool college kids.  Now, every 14-year-old with an iPhone and a love for taking selfies with their "duck lips" has a profile.  Lame.  What's worse is Instagram.  Have you seen some of the garbage that those kids post?  If I ever catch my boys taking shirtless bathroom selfies and attaching #tagforlikes, I want someone to just off me right then and there.  The. Worst.

While my generation grew up with social media and, for the most part, understand how to properly use it, the younger generation is coming in and ruining it for everyone.  If you affix more than three or four hashtags to your picture, I immediately begin picturing you clutching your phone, checking it every 5 minutes, praying to see a red notification that four more people have liked what you posted.  Hooray for empty validation!  We're probably all guilty of this to a lesser extent, but damn... calm down.

(Editor's note: I would like to thank God for not allowing Facebook to be a thing when I was in high school.  The End.)