Posted by Julia Sogaard on 4:47 PM
Remember when you were 10 and thought the kids in high school were "like, soooo old"? I do. I remember telling one of my friends in 4th grade that I was excited to go to high school and she told me to calm down because it was light-years away. That was 18 years ago. 18. How the hell did my youth pass by that quickly?
I've come to realize that I'm a full-blown adult now, but somehow can't shake the feeling that I'm eternally 22. But I'm not. I'm 28, soon-to-be 29. Holy shit. That's practically 30. I have kids. Like, kids that rely on me for living... and whatever. Whaaaaat?
I don't know at what age you start to feel like the older generation, but I've definitely hit it. You'll know you're there when you find yourself rolling your eyes at the younger generation. Have you seen some of the garbage that teenagers wear today? Girls have loose, messy ponytails and combine that rats nest with sweatpants and dirty Uggs. Did someone just mug you or did you do this on purpose? Do I need to call the authorities or slap you? The guys look like Justin Bieber, and that's not a compliment. And the selfies. Oh, the freaking selfies. In the words of Chandler Bing, "could you beeeee anymore obnoxious?"
|This makes me want to keep my kids indoors forever.|
Anyway, I want to really take a look at what being in your late 20s to early 30s looks like. The good and the bad. It isn't all rainbows and puppies, but hey... at least I can buy wine and rent a car. Score = me.
GOOD: I don't even get carded now when I buy alcohol.
Wait, is this a positive? Do I want to look like I could be 20? How old do I look, exactly. Oh God, where's a mirror?
BAD: Drinking 1 1/2 glasses of wine at night results in an next day hangover that just doesn't quit.
What. Kind. Of. Fresh. Hell. Is. This. When did my body start to hate having a good time? Screw you, liver... mommy needs a cocktail.
GOOD: You're best friends with your parents and that's cool.
Nobody knows how to have a good time like Mama Teply. Mama Teply is my fav.
BAD: You have to pay for things you took for granted as a kid.
How much does it cost to heat a house? Oh my God, put on a sweatshirt and turn it to 65! $7,000 for a tank of gas? Is it pure gold? Am I putting pure gold into my car?
GOOD: I have my own house. Like, my own. I own it. It's mine.
That just seems so adult-like. I pay a mortgage and deal with furnaces breaking. Well, technically, I pay the mortgage and Erik and Dave Teply deal with furnaces breaking. But whatever, I can paint the inside pink and it would be cool, because it's mine. Although, I'm not sure Erik would be down with that.
BAD: Purchasing said house and fixing it's furnace costs a lot of money.
"Hooray, it's payday! I'll just pay a few of these bil... and I'm broke."
GOOD: I've weeded out my circle of friends down to those who I actually care about
You don't like drinking wine and hated 'Bridesmaids'? Get out.
BAD: All my friends and social media acquaintances are apparently Martha freaking Stewart.
When did everyone learn how to cook crusted tilapia and have enough time to hand-craft ribbon wreaths for their front doors?
|Save that shit for Pinterest.|